Do I hate myself?

I wonder if my self-destructive urge is just stronger than my will to live.  My present self likes the simple pleasures I have.  An IPA when I wish, a rolled cigarette or a cigar; a bottle of wine.  Yesterday I made Beef Burgundy.  I indulged in cheesecake.  I almost never do the latter, as I remain convinced sugar is a toxin.

So I invented “thin padreoldstone.”  What does Thin Padre Oldstone do?  I think he’s a little chubby.

But two kettlebells arrived – a 35 and 53 pounder; as well as a Rogue barbell.  They seemed heavier than usual, and I didn’t workout today.

I was reading some advice about dating.  It was clear:  take are as much as you can about your appearance and health.  That’s fundamental.  If it were my full time job, I think I could do it.

And then I realize, it is a full time job.  It’s work.  But the employer is me, and my life; my future self, who seems to have a very light touch, but will not forgive me if I don’t do my job well.  Now.

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