Do I hate myself?
I wonder if my self-destructive urge is just stronger than my will to live. My present self likes the simple pleasures I have. An IPA when I wish, a rolled cigarette or a cigar; a bottle of wine. Yesterday I made Beef Burgundy. I indulged in cheesecake. I almost never do the latter, as I remain convinced sugar is a toxin.
So I invented “thin padreoldstone.” What does Thin Padre Oldstone do? I think he’s a little chubby.
But two kettlebells arrived – a 35 and 53 pounder; as well as a Rogue barbell. They seemed heavier than usual, and I didn’t workout today.
I was reading some advice about dating. It was clear: take are as much as you can about your appearance and health. That’s fundamental. If it were my full time job, I think I could do it.
And then I realize, it is a full time job. It’s work. But the employer is me, and my life; my future self, who seems to have a very light touch, but will not forgive me if I don’t do my job well. Now.